suffocating without drowning.
running without something to run on.
like your skin is burning, without there being a fire.
you feel as if you got the wight of the world around your neck,
dangling from your pinky finger.
over a pit full of twisted serpants and daemons.
hands grabbing after your wriggling legs.
scratching their poisonous sharp cold claws into your muscles.
smelling your own blood and feeling it seeping out,
draining you of life and light.
dusin of tongues fighting to lick it up from the dirty ground.
falling down because you got no strenght left to hold on with,
slamming against half eaten and rotten bodies.
darkened faces with empty eyes whimpering at your bloody broken body.
as you lay there, ontop of rotting carcasses, the ground beneeth you starts to tremble.
screams and fleeing creatures runs in panic,
and you cannot even lift your head or scream.
and the beast master comes towards you with her chained whip,
dragon teeths attached to it drenched in murdered souls.
she stands over you gripping on around your neck.
a calm surrounds you, knowing that you're safe.
that this is familiar and your birthplace.
a meeting with your past life, a home comming of sorts.
the feared beast embraces you purring as you drag your seemingly tiny hands
down her bulging muscle neck.
flicking her forked tongue at your face,
your true form slowely comes back. black fur with blood stripes like a tiger,
strong long legs with sharp claws. a tail that wraps around your beast masters waist.
finding your selves to be purring in contempt.
your deep growl starts a fire in her eyes, brushing your bushy yet skinny tail over her naked bussom.
she smiles as sweetly as a beast can putting your long lost collar around your neck.
picking you up by your neck skin she whispers into your ear ''welcome home, my cursed hell cat''. demons bows down before them with their twisted morbid pittyful bodies. kneeling
down in the dirt, she cracks her whip with a fast sound breaking strong hand motion above their heads. and you feel something tingling something rising within.
your lust overwhelmes, sending you into a horny frenzy.
standing on hind legs pawing down her back digging claws deep into her muscular back,
she turns her head reaching with one strong arm for your. grabbing your furry chest
she throws you onto a bed made from bones of murdered tortured men.
teasing down your spine with her forked tongue tugging at the fur over your ribs with strong fingers. a wall of flames embraces them, as they reclaim their place and ballance in this life.
this is the night, all holy beings weep. the night mindkind falls to their knees, as dimentions
clash together to rid the plague that they are.
all around them, higher beeings only read about in stories and legends.
work together as one army to kill their mothers executore.
fairy and beast arms to arms, for a mothers love to survive.

Håpløshet

Har du noen gang følt en så stor håpløshet, at du ikke kan la være å bryte sammen i gråt?
Eller ett sinne, så stort at maven klomper seg sammen til en stor knute å hjerte løper av gårde.
Og den eneste jeg har å takke er meg selv.
Alt sammen virker til ingen nytte, hva er vitsen. Tenker jeg.
Tenker til bake på alle de gangenne jeg kunne gjort noe med det. Men i stede ble sittende der redd å tvilende. Hvorfor kunne jeg ikke bare vært egoist den gangen å bare gjort det.
Hadde sikkert vært halveis nå, å glad.
Alt virker kanskje greit å alt det der.. Men, jeg sliter. Mer enn jeg lar noen vite.
Det begynner å bli så ille, at jeg ikke orker å se meg selv i speilet.
Fordi, når jeg står der tenker jeg at det kunne sett anderledes ut nå.
Vemmes over meg selv... Ingenting er riktig.
Det er ikke meg!
Skulle så inderlig ønske, at de rundt meg kunne forstå.
Istede for å holde meg til bake. Eller bli sint, når jeg never det..
Skjønner det er vannskelig for alle rundt meg, det gjør jeg virkelig.
Men det presset de setter meg under, med å være en jeg ikke er.
Gjør meg så forbandet trist å bitter på alt.
Det blir en ond sirkel, siden det påvirker alle sammen.

Ønsker bare å kunne være meg selv.
Gå ut blandt folk, uten å måtte gjemme på ting.
Jeg vil kunne ha en kjæreste, uten at folk ga med det blikket.
Vil leve.. Med fred inni meg. Sins ro og bare smile fra hjerte for engangs skyld.
Føler altid jeg må smile for å blid gjøre andre.
Nå driter jeg i det, å ber folk dra til helvete.
Orker ikke late som lengre, jeg er ikke ''happy'' så gidder da heller ikke smile for andres skyld.
Mange sier til meg ''du ser så sur\missfornøyd ut''. Syns dere det er rart?
Hadde ikke dere vært det, om dere hele tiden måtte late som dere var noe dere ikke er?
Aner dere hvor slitsomt det er?!
Gå rundt, føle seg som en annen person en den man er...
Gidder det ikke lengre..

Ja, jeg er født som en jente.
Ja, hadde langt lyst bølget hår å gikk i kjole.
Men vet dere. Det var en grunn til at jeg var sånn som jeg var som barn.
Og det eneste jeg ville da, var å stikke av fra alle sammen. Jeg kjenner det enda,
hvor vondt det var den gangen. Kjoler, hår, dukker, alt..
Men sa aldrig noe.
Husker de gangenne da jeg tok bussen ned til byen for å dra til psykologen min.
Værgang jeg kom til bruen, tenke jeg på å hoppe over den. Å ingen vet det.

Det jeg syns er rart, er at det virker som folk legger skylden på seg selv.
Enda det ikke er noens skyld. Ingen kan noe får dette.
Det er bare sånn, jeg er født sånn. Det er INGENS feil.
Mange millioner har det sånn som meg. De aller fleste tar sitt eget liv, desverre..
Det er idiotisk å ta ett sånt valg, men sammtidlig skjønner jeg de.
Selv er jeg for sta til å gjøre det. Takk å lov.

Håper bare, at folk kan la andre være den de føler at de er.
Og kunne være seg selv, å ikke gjømme seg bort for verden.
Det å kunne gå ut blandt folk, uten å måtte svelge unna en tårevåt stemme.

Det skjærer så dypt inni meg.. At det sårer mine nermeste at ting er sånn..
Gråter ofte fordi jeg føler at jeg skuffet dem på noen måte.
Men jeg kan ikke si unskyld heller, fordi det ville vært en løgn.
Jeg kan ikke beklage for at jeg er sånn.. Kan ikke bennekte mitt liv.
Ville vært som om å kaste en stein gjennom noens vindu for så å si at det ikke var deg.

Mitt ønske er.
Ikke døm folk. La de være som de er.
Du trenger ikke være enig. Men respekter de.
Livet er en merkelig dødelig sykdom som smitter gjennom sex.
Og ut fallet er et stort varrierende manfold, å alle burde lære seg å leve sammen.

A draft wakes me up from my slumber,
Gliding down my spine the cold seems so teasing.
Through the years I have come to see -
that I've lost myself along the way somewhere somehow.
Now there is nothing but a cold draft from my window,
caressing my skin.
The side of my bed that used to hold warmth.
Is now nothing but an painful void.

Wishing here I am sitting on the edge of my bed.
Wishing that there was someone behind me,
the sound of another person breathing and sleeping.
Warm skin next to mine, a soft breath on my lips.
Wishing, It's all I can do.

It all seems like a waste of time,
all the wishing daydreaming and hopeing.
I do not ask for much, but i do ask.
Is there someone out there for me.
Would I find someone that would look me in the eyes,
and really see me.
Or would they see. Without seeing.

Words cuts deep into my mind like daggers,
making it hard to forget and harder to forgive.
To sleep, is like taking a bath into a pit of hurtful words.
Is it so wierd, that I have lost my faith in the world?
When I cannot be seen for whom I am, but instead
I am seen for whom I am not.

love is love, no matter what

family parents and friends, they say that they are always going to be there for you.
till the day you tell them something so personal and terrifying like '' im gay ''.
instantly the air around them thickens into some grey cloud and all the bounds what so ever that you shared with them. are severed, just like that.
it turns into some silly fight that reminds you of elementry school, were someone bullies you for not having the right pare of pants or the wrong color on your shirt.
and while you are scared confused lost and lonely, they suck away all the oxigen around you.
leaving you with feeling of guilt, and thinking '' was it my fault? did i go wrong somewere in life? was it that first time i kissed the same gender or when i tried on that dress..''

really seems like we still live in the bronze age, except we dont get burnt on fire.. although it has happened. even the ''good'' people of christianity will spit on you if they get the chance too.
even though the bible says to love your next one and treath them like you want to be treathed back. i have never had any religion to believe in, and i wont until there's a religion out there that actually makes sense.

i think about this, alot. do ''streight '' people spend the rest of their life with someone. cause they love the gender of that person? or because they love him/her for who they are?
did they only deside to die together cause they fell in love with their penis or vagina?
i dont think so.
there's no either or, every single living human on this rock. have at some point or will some day. feel as if their whole life revolves around a person with the same gender.
a grown woman, that has another woman stuck to her membrain like an old gum under her sneeker. or the braves man fighting for his country, crying over another man that lays not more than 3 feet away from him in the next bunk bed.
your background, your religion, nothing matters. cause you dont fall for someones gender.
but a person. and no one can control it, its human nature. and it dates back to the day we first saw fire. even animals pair up with the same gender.

to me, its as bad as hating someone for their skin color.
and if we say something about it, we will be beaten down at our most desperate time in life and sometimes so bad we cant get back up.
i have felt this on my skin, and i still suffer from it. but i get back up no matter how many tears i cry. cause i wont let someone tell me whats right to feel, when they themselves feel or have felt the same and they say its not right.

if your son puts on a little lipstick or likes to dress up. why do you stop him? because you're scared of what others think is right or wrong? or because you're scared you'll be reminded of yourself at some point in life.
why do people put girls in dresses and tell them to have long hair? isnt it their choice to make, if they want to wear jeans and play with cars?
think about it, would you be happy. if someone took away your voice and stopped you from being happy. stopped you, from being you.

theres nothing wrong in people loving each other, is it? just cause they are of the same gender?
or because one of them are between genders or have changed to the opposite gender?
love is love, and it comes in every color and varaity. we feel the same as any other person would, just as strongly deeply and we are just as commited.
it does not mean we will bring that other person down, infact we will die for that special someone just like any couple would. we'll use our last will power in us on that persons life when nothing seems right for them, just to see that little smile we love. just like anyone would do.

as any other living breathing human on this planet. we are people, with feelings just like your next door neighbor. we share the same problems, the same fights worries pain loss and gain.
we're not a sin, not a dessise you'll catch. its how we are born, just as you are born with the very eye color and to every last skin cell in your body.
you dont have to accept it, you dont have to understand it. but atleast respect it.

no wonder people die, when we cant even have the freedom to feel and be ourselves.
when our closest family and friends, leaves us just because we love and feel. or leaves you with an scar so deep that it will never heal and make you the same cause of something they said.
my trust in people, i can with my hand over my heart say. its like zero.
i've never been the person to throw the first rock and never will i. will you?
or will you still be there, for your gay son or daughter. your transgender children or relatives. or whom ever and whatever it might be. or will you leave them feeling hollow and at fault till the day you die.

HimmelBrann. Kjeder meg om dagene ser dere hehe..

Took a picture last summer of an old boat house. This is one of its pillars that I doodle with :P

Had a little fun with a picture of myself in a sement mixer